Lost in translation
by confidintripod
Summary: A short sketch I couldnt get out of my head of an incredably awkward situation involving mild refrance to male reproduction, nothing explicid just joke fuel, and aliens Elites, Grunts, Background story and vital organs all belong to bungie


I couldnt get this skit out of my head so if your following project unity dont worry, I havent given it up. :)

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Electric blue blood splattered to the echoing ring of a sniper round as one unlucky grunt peeked out from the small hiding place that they had been hunkering down in. Jake watched this through his own scope, he was one of the large sniper squad sent to simply decimate the large force of grunts on this planet with the help of a sangheili squad sent for much the same reason, it was supposed to be part of strengthening relations or something but all it meant to troops on the ground was working with creatures that everyone remembers losing a friend and/or family to, a bit like when his mum made him play with the retarded kid that no-one liked not because he was slow but because he had a habit of becoming aggressive and biting people.

And so here he was, lying next to one of their snipers. In all honesty now that he had gotten to know them, they sort of reminded him of dogs, big scary fanatical emotionless dogs, as he sat there, waiting for the next goldfish-memory grunt to completely forget that they are being aimed at by snipers and so they won't see said snipers without some form of telescope and it will stick its head out to be blown off like a blue firework, his mind began to wander back to his girlfriend…

"Are you sure you can't get a posting somewhere closer?" Susan asked in an aggravated tone, he had just told her and she was not happy, "Yes, I requested that I remain in the sector but they need all the snipers for this 'mission' of theirs." "So? Leave the military, it's not like the war is still on." She wasn't normally like this but she had been hurt that he was willing to leave for so long without talking to her, "I don't want this to be goodbye and I don't want to leave on a bad circumstance, hell, I don't want to leave at all." "Then why tell me now, you're going tomorrow!" "I… I didn't want to upset you, you know me, I don't handle telling bad news well." They went on like this for a while but made things up, when he was leaving he told her "Hey, I'll bring you back something nice." "From a planet inhabited solely by a number of grunts?" "You always said you wanted a pet."

He chuckled at the memory, nothing ever dampened his sense of humour, even working with this elite he used to mess with it claiming humans are cannibals by saying "Y'know it's too bad the teams are so far away, if one of us dies the meat goes to waste" and he messed with it countless other times, once it caught on he'd always pat it on the back and say "gotcha" to which it never really reacted.

All the memories of Sue built up to cause him to stiffen a little, luckily he was lying face down and could simply think of something else to get rid of it, like nun's. Sadly he wouldn't get the chance as the alien next to him spotted a grunt and shoved into him to get a better angle, unaware of the fact that this action would cause its leg to come into contact with his sign of instinct and after killing its target the elite noticed the human condition and recoiled while Jake had already been trying to escape from the embarrassing situation, he retreated down his scope, face blooming rose-red, as the shocked elite slowly processed what had just happened.

Three minutes passed without either one looking at the other, then Jake, whose eye had never left the scope for fear of having to explain what was going on, spotted a grunt making a run, stumble? A grunt making a stumble for it as it really couldn't be classified as running on those stubby legs, he put it out of its misery and suddenly felt a nearly painful slap-pat on the right shoulder, he looked up at the alien to his left that had been much closer than he thought as it congratulated him "well done, I couldn't trace such a small target while it was moving"

Jake was unsure of what happened when the idea occurred to him that the alien may not have known what gender he was, and now was more confident about how to treat him, he wasn't sure whether to be relieved or insulted. He then realised that the hand on his shoulder had not been removed, he took it with his own and handed it back to its owner, who remained uncomfortably close, Jake moved a little away only for the elite to reach over him again, grab his shoulder and pull him in saying "I think I saw one" and pointing with its carbine in the other hand. Jake replied "Then perhaps you should move a bit away from me so you can shoot it."

The elite complied and took a shot "Got him." And then looking at Jake "I always hit the target, regardless of distance"

As the overpowering disgust passed over Jake and he focused on supressing the horrifyingly traumatic images that were popping into his head the elite stroked his leg with its own and as he began to protest it put a finger to his lips to silence him and whispered "Tell me after I grab a ration."

Normally they stood when they needed to get passed one another but the elites frisky mood seemed to desecrate even that simple courtesy as it began pulling itself over him making some sort of purring noise when Jake couldn't take it anymore, he kicked at it shouting "I'm not gay for some fucking perverted alien!"

At this it quickly got off of him and he realised it wasn't purring but holding in laughter as it said "Then it's a good thing that I am not either"

Jake stared at it blankly, jaw wide open in confused shock, which caused a chorus of laughter to erupt from the throat of the elite and flow down its mandibles as it winked at him, patted his back and choked "gotcha" past its jubilations.

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Hopefully you found this as funny to read as I did to write, I had alot more idea's but I didnt want to take it to far or make it too long, so I dont know if I only laughed at this due to the aspects I couldnt add due to time or well... explicedness.


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